Four Drinking Games Every Average Dude Should Know

Everyone’s played a drinking game at some point in his or her life, and I’m willing to bet at least half of us have done it legally. Most of the time they revolve around cards, ping pong balls, large groups of people, and fraternity bullshit, but what do you do if it’s just you and your roommate(s) that want to drink? These are some games that the Average Dude can play and have a pretty damned good time doing so, and they don’t even require much in the way of set up. Just plenty of duct tape. And really, Average Dudes should have at least three rolls around the house at all times.

The Wizard

Materials Needed: The aforementioned duct tape, canned beer. At least an eighteen pack for every player.
How To: This one’s for the nerd in all of us. First off, pick what “level” you want to fight your bosses at. This is usually done after the fourth or fifth level, but make sure everyone agrees. Each beer equates to one level, and each boss equates to a shot of your chosen liquor. After you drink your first beer you’re now a “Level One” Wizard, and after you pass your fourth or fifth level it’s time to go fight the boss. My boss is usually Mr. Jack Daniels, but I always vanquish him with a solid gulp. Seems simple and straightforward enough, right? Nope, here comes the curveball, and the duct tape. After you finish every beer and level up, you tape the empty beer can to the bottom of your fresh can, building your very own wizard staff. The winner is the first of the drinkers to build a staff taller than himself. Normally, shorter guys have a bit of an advantage, but thems the breaks. However, if your roommate happens to be a gnome, that’s pretty awesome. He wins by default.
Variations: The Knight (sword or suit of armor), The Poseidon (trident), The Andy Dick (giant wang).

Edward Forty-Hands

Materials Needed: Duct tape (again), two 40-ounce beer bottles for every one player. In Florida, it’s acceptable to use a 36-ounce tall boy, because we’re a backwards state that doesn’t trust its own inhabitants. I mean, it’s not like we won’t buy multiple beers to get that extra four ounces, right?
How To: This is probably the most simple and straightforward of the games. However, you need one person who’s not playing to be “The Inventor.” Make sure you trust this guy, or you’re pretty much screwed. Start the game by firmly grasping a 40 in both hands. The Inventor then duct tapes the beer in place, and there they stay until you’ve finished them both. Everything you do has to be with your Forty-Hands stuck in place, just like the poor bastard in that film, the name of which I’ve forgotten. The winner is the first to finish his beers, and The Inventor can then rip the tape off so he can go pee. You’ll have to by the time you finish this game. That’s why you better trust this guy, because the dude holds your life and dignity in his hands.
Variations: Not a lot of variation with this one. Edward Forty-Penis might work, if you’re into that kind of thing. Which is totally cool if you are, I don’t judge.

The Jack Bauer Power Hour

Materials Needed: A television, a couple of cases of beer, and a completely heterosexual passion for Jack Bauer, the continually pissed-off and always awesome star of 24. And a roll of duct tape, just because.
How To: Each of the contestants picks a favorite phrase of Jack Bauer, and takes a drink every time he says it. Some of our staff’s favorites include every time Jack yells “damn,” “Chloe,” and anything to do with not having enough time. Alternately, you can take a drink every time he breaks someone’s neck, stabs someone in the face, or fist-fights a nun. Really, it’s your call. The winner is whoever drinks the most by the end of the hour, but a good goal to aim for is twenty-four drinks. I believe this is actually how they came up with the show’s name. It’s your choice if you’re taking shots of liquor, downing beers, or just sipping wine, depending on if you’re a real man or just a little girl. The loser is duct taped to a tree, because somebody told me Jack Bauer did that in season three.
Variations: Any show works, really, just make sure it kicks as much ass as 24 and the name rhymes as well. Really, the name of the game alone is more than enough to makes it worth playing.

The Dollar Beer Challenge

Materials Needed: Surprisingly, no duct tape in this one. Plenty of dollar bills, though. Oh, and you need to be at a bar, one that serves dollar beers (hence the name), and one in which you don’t mind throwing up. Normally, these two requirements go hand-in-hand. Make sure you tip your bartender early on, because there’s a chance he might get pissed at you later.
How To: Raise the can to your lips, pour, and swallow. Repeat. The catch is, you have specific time limits. This is a five round game, and the winner is whoever lasts the longest. You have twenty-five minutes in the first round to drink five beers, sixteen minutes in round two for your next four, nine minutes in round three for three beers, four minutes in round four for two beers, and one minute in round five for the final beer, known as “The Widowmaker.” You’re allowed a minute break per beer after each round, meaning, after finishing the first five beers you have a five-minute break, a four-minute break after the second round, etc. If you make it through without throwing up, you win. Or, if everyone tosses, the one who tosses last wins, and the bar loses. Really, this game is only for alcoholics, and we don’t consider it a game. We consider it Tuesday.
Variations: I play it on Wednesdays sometimes too.

Enjoy! And really, don’t drink and drive. You might spill your beer.