Men’s Health – 50 Things Men (Dudes) Wish You (Chicks) Knew
Men’s Health Magazine has a pretty funny (and true) article with 50 things that ladies should know about us dudes, how we think, and how to please us. The full list is after the jump.
1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you’re wrong.
2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes.
3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated.
4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you’re not in the car.
5. If you’re truly interested in us, don’t play hard to get.
6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity.
7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me–once.
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I’m inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.
9. I’m hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker.
10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job.
11. Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain’t pretty.
13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously.
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you’re nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.
15. I don’t ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere.
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.
17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn’t always have to lead to sex.
18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that?
19. There’s no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm.
20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too.
21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.
23. You’re really bad at faking it.
24. If I offer my help while you’re getting ready, it means you’re late.
25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late.
26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly.
27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off.
28. Unless we’re meeting my parents.
29. When you call us at work “just to chat,” we’re not really listening; we’re checking our e-mail.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn’t need to be a mini-skirt; it’s been a long winter.
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.
32. We don’t mind being told we look good. Just don’t call it a “cute outfit.”
33. We love ponytails.
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.
35. The first time? We’re as nervous as you are.
36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public.
37. Make us laugh and we’ll want to hang around.
38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal.
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman’s problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.
40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason.
41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words “naked” and “waiting.”
42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks.
43. Anytime you cook for us, we’re happy.
44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love.
45. No, I don’t remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I’m a guy, not a tape recorder.
46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while.
47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too.
48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, “Do you think she’s pretty?”
49. Don’t rely on us for keeping you up on the news.
50. Never say, “I know you better than you know yourself.” Nobody does.
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}
January 4th, 2008 at 1:24 am
This list was written by a chick, I guarantee it.
January 5th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I would have to agree with about… 90+% of these.
So my vote goes for the “chicks” knowing.
January 5th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
i am a ‘chick’ and i know all we need to know about men. If their lips are moving, they are lying! remember this and you wont go far wrong!
January 5th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
That is a disgusting stereotype. Many of us avoid lying.
But yeah, sounds like a chick wrote this.
January 5th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
jacks – sexism is awesome, right?
January 5th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
@jacks: That is so lame.. i hope your lesbian… because i would be so gutted for one of the many decent guys out there to cross your path.
January 5th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Jacks, I have to say you’re a friggin retard. And that’s not a lie.
January 5th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
jacks is right.
January 5th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Jacks, you stupid misandrist. If you never go far wrong then you never go far right. On a related note – what you said is completely stupid. I hope shes an asexual or a lesbian.
Best advice on the list: no makeup.
January 5th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
jacks your a lesbo or you slept with some bad hoes
January 6th, 2008 at 5:21 am
jacks…i don’t know who you hooked up with. But, i would wager that you made a poor decision.
January 6th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Leave Jacks alone! Shes just expressing her opinion, maybe shes had bad experiences and is blowing off some steam, we all need to sometime…….and I’m not agreeing with her cause i’m a hick because i’m not a chick…
January 6th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
HAHA And we all know why James is stickin up for Jacks — cause he’s the wuss that hasn’t been laid in years … fuck be a man …. jacks opinion is wrong — obviously she is the kind of chic that goes for the asshole man .. deserves what she gets in life.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
And James sounds like that guy that was standing up for britney spears, Chris Crocker. lol. Not all men are liars and Jacks didn’t have the right to put ALL men into that stereotype. just read the article, have a laugh. Can everyone here STOP throwing insults around like 14 year olds? And mind you the first comment I made there was meant to be a smartass comment. Don’t take it TOO seriously, even if it was meant to point something out.
January 7th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Everyone seems to be ripping on Jacks, and though it may be deserved how bout and added opinion. All people are liars, but they don’t necessarily lie all the time. However her actual words are blatantly false and she does seem jaded. just to help her out, and women like her, here’s a few pointers. If all a guy want s is to sleep with you a few times and ditch you he will lie and say anything that might help that process. Women are no different. Men lie just as much as your friends do, if your fishing for a compliment you’ll get one whether it’s honest or not. And as a rebuttal to your actual statement. No guy has ever faked an orgasm, so who’s the lying sex. And as for faking it, most guys don’t care, if you don’t get off because you faked it and we stopped when we were done that’s your fault. I read a great article written by a woman and she started by saying “having or not having an orgasm is your responsibility, not your partners”. Sorry that got so long, and off topic
January 17th, 2008 at 3:08 am
I am a ‘guy’ and I know all we need to know about women. If their lips can move, they are back-stabbing liers! Remember this and you wont go far wrong!
Doesn’t it sound silly when guys say stuff like this? Why is that?
January 17th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Hey Jacks! your comment gives me reason #27 to be sexist. I started my list on January 1st. My goal is to get 50. Should not be too hard.
I liked this list. Written by a girl, but have to agree with about 40 of them.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:27 am
I have learned that men have two emotions… hungry and horny. If your man does not have an erection, make him a sandwich.
*signed, Chrissy (has a happy husband)
January 18th, 2008 at 2:45 am
To Chrissy: Einstein liked to go sailing, for clarification does that fall under horny or hungry?
January 21st, 2008 at 4:17 am
To Chrissy: For a lot of us, it\’s not \’hungry or horny\’ – most of the time, it\’s \’horny then hungry\’… I know that for me after sex, it\’s either a) eat or b) sleep.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:39 am
Few of them are for American guys. I\\\\\\\’m interested in neither baseball nor golf.. ;D
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Hungry isn\’t an emotion… tard.
February 2nd, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I\’m not hungry or horny! get back in the kitchen woman! and take those shoes off!
February 2nd, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Does Chess count as hungry?
I enjoy Chess. And video games. And I don’t mean as sustenance, sexual or otherwise.
Damn, and I thought WE were sexist…. If women actually think this about men… damn…. And I gave them credit for being smarter than us.
Oh, and I’m not lying, Jacks.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:05 pm
The makeup thing is interesting. Most guys will say they prefer the natural look, but if it’s subtle enough it often does make a woman more attractive, which leads to an arms race that results in perfectly intelligent women thinking they have to make themselves up like an Essex tart. Same goes for all manner of figure-enhancing items of clothing. It’s like effects in movies – it works best when you don’t notice it’s there.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:46 pm
The article was funny, but all the comments contain the real comedy. I didn’t know everyone was a psychiatrist! And for those who put their gender in quotes: Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll straighten everything out!
February 2nd, 2008 at 10:30 pm
To D-Man: Maybe Einstein\’s love of sailing falls under hunger for adventure?
Now everyone swarmed Jacks like she said a blasphemy.
She\’s partly right, we\’re liars, we don\’t lie all the time, but we do lie a lot.
Not that I\’m saying women aren\’t liars, in fact I\’ve met (and dated) women that lie more than me on an off day.
So I could easily say something as sexist as Jacks has.
Also, Horny isn\’t an emotion either, both are feelings though
As in \’I\’m Feeling Hungry.\’ so the saying is true, especially since the saying didn\’t specify them as emotions.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
LULZ U R TEH NIGS!!!!!!1
February 3rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
>>Jacks
such stereotypes are only fitting when they are amusing; not so much when you’re being serious about it.
oh, and obvious troll is obvious.
>>doug
very true, I only lie when they ask how they look, because “21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren’t looking for the truth anyway.” and if they look just fine and they ask if they look fat, I generally agree with them in a sarcastic tone. :p
>>HaHa
it’s either that or the got filtered out as html :3
>>D-man’s response to chrissy
Hungry! He was craving fresh fish. :3
(yes I know he didn’t eat meat, now quit your whining; it’s a joke.)
>>PEEEEENIS
Get your arse back to /b/
Btw, I’m a dude, becuase everyone knows there’s no women on the internet :3
(don’t make a big deal out if this, if you get it, you get it, if you don’t, it’s a joke.)
February 3rd, 2008 at 2:39 pm
All these comments are very interesting and were a good read (also the article was pretty good too :-p)
Just a quick question for those who know out there… can a girl really get away without plucking her eyebrows? i mean really really??? i mean of course you can over pluck which does make girls look weird but not pluck at all?!?? sorry lads i would rather not have a monobrow and i am not throwing my tweezers away just yet.
February 3rd, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I do think jacks was wrong in saying that. I have seen alot of jokes made by us guys about women and they are just as sexist.
Both are pretty pathetic examples created by morons. anywho.
Some of those dont really apply to me as i dont watch sports frequently and i don\’t drink (some may think im not manly cause of that, but id rather not waste my money on something that makes me forget everything and act like an idiot, im pretty hyper anyway so i dont need it)
oh and prinja people dont always get monobrows in fact by plucking your more likely to get one. its kinda of a never ending cycle.
its like cutting your hair. you cut it…it grows longer.
pity.
P.s personally i dont\’ find ponytails attractive. and the make up thing is correct. au naturelle is best.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Wow, stereotyping galore. I agree with a lot of these. You women that thing all men lie, and all they want is sex, and end up with one night stands are all looking for the wrong guys. Its your own fault, cause you overlook the guys that aren’t like that because you are too vain to give interest to anyone that doesn’t have 6 pack abs or luscious hair. Screw that.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Why’d everyone hound Jacks? It seemed to me she either obviously recently had troubles with a guy or she doesn’t like men. Big deal, har har.
Anyway, my boyfriend showed me this article when I came over to his house today. Some of these are true about our relationship, a lot I already knew about him, and then there were the stupid sterotypical comments that I thought it could do without. We’re artists, and we don’t like sports…or beer. :/ Stuff like that.
I wish there was a more accurate list, something that doesn’t scream \\\\\\\\
August 8th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
sexists, trolls, and /b/tards what next?
>>>Jack… srsly, should I give you a high-five for best trolling of the year? or should I disdain you for such a sexist comment?
>>>James… as if Jack wasn’t bad enough… dude go back to /x/…
>>>Anonymous sup man see you on *chan
September 13th, 2008 at 2:04 am
[...] for visiting!I’m not sure I agree with the entire list, but a lot of these are on target. Men’s Health – 50 Things Men (Dudes) Wish You (Chicks) Knew. I’m pretty sure the first one is sexist, but other than that, I like a lot of these. 2. You [...]
February 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I think I guy wrote it originally and then a chick ’shopped it.
February 13th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
From “Andy”:
“Hey Jacks! your comment gives me reason #27 to be sexist. I started my list on January 1st. My goal is to get 50. Should not be too hard.”
Damn dude…. really, a list? something REAL bad must have happened to you during your formative years. granted, what jacks said was inflammatory, but i’m sure that was the point… some people just like to stir shit up, obv. but i guess a guy like you would be insecure enough feel threatened by such a blatantly irrational comment.
i have to wonder what mission, exactly, is your little list intended to accomplish? are you going to print a bunch of copies and hand out fliers at the bus station?. now, that’s an idea that might get you laid… in Bizarro World.
on the other hand, if you wanted to get a jumpstart on the remaining 23 items on your douchebag list, you should check out this link:
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/
the page containes a list that is IMO, an invaluable reference for someone who is attempting such a meaningful project as yours… those who fail to understand their opponent’s argument can never truly understand their own. hope you are enjoying your privilege, Andy.
P.S.: i would be EVER so tickled pink if you happened to do me the honor of making my comment you’re Reason #28…
happy hating!
February 14th, 2009 at 5:06 am
Honestly,
Frankly,
Women are selfish and brainless. If a woman is with you, you can be sure she is ultimately around to pretend like she has a heart while she uses you. Women are very fortunate to be, by nature, so attractive and nice looking; with out the sexual power, women would be of little use, and their comparative lack of sincerity and character would be screaming obvious.
DE
March 6th, 2009 at 11:17 am
2 serious problems from the get-go…
11. Don’t be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain’t pretty.
WTF? so the dude that wrote this is a fag? or maybe a puertorican, them bitches need to stop looking like clowns at the whore-circus. I could recreate “Starry Night” by Van Gogh with their face paint. and full eyebrows, seriously? no. Here’s you ugly assed no-makeup non-plucked fugbitch. http://www.plentyoffish.com/member8592766.htm#in
May 3rd, 2009 at 12:17 pm
lolage i like it
i also like how people have started arguing about how dishonest men are.
As a women i would like to vouch for the fact that we lie to. Everyone lies but there’s a thing called trust that i like to rely on sometimes =D
June 26th, 2009 at 11:40 am
EXCELLENT!
Average dudes are clearly above average. More women need to read this without being judgmental. Listen, if you really want the security, love and devotion we have available, just adhere to 51% of these guidelines and you will have a chance.
August 5th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Great read!
October 7th, 2009 at 4:51 am
Yeah, I agree: This list was written by a chick. And one who doesn’t understand men very well, either.
THE REAL LIST WOULD GO SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
1). Men are usually not stupid enough to let you know that they do want to bang your sister or best friend. Most will never try. Unless you dump them.
2). Men lie just as much as women do. But most men aren’t as good at it as women are.
3). Even if lists exist, men don’t read stupid lists about what women want. Men pretend to already know and fake their way through it.
4). No man wants to have sex with Enya music playing and with scented candles around. This is something that women hope men want and most men will play along just because it will get them laid. We don’t really like this crap. Think “oil wrestling.”
5). Men like women who do know their way around at least a few guy things, such as beer tricks, fart jokes, stunt driving, anything Batman, and anything involving shouting at a TV screen. Learn a few of these things, you will be considered a goddess.