We here at Average Dudes wish all the readers a happy 4th.  Eat some burgers, eat some hot dogs, and drink some frosty cold beverages, preferably with alcohol.  After all of that, blow some shit up!  Don’t do anything too crazy but if you do at least record it like these fools…

Just in case you haven’t looked at a calendar, or one of those Best Buy in-store DVD displays, today is Fathers Day. Don’t panic, though. If your dad is anything like mine, all he really wants is to hang out and watch the U.S. Open.

If you’re a dad, have a wonderful day. If not, I guess you can have a wonderful day too.

Today is June 6th, the day in 1944 when the invasion of Normandy began, thus initiating the liberation of Europe from Nazi control. What better way to celebrate the lives of those thousands of Allied soldiers than to get a free artery-clogging ring of fried dough from Krispy Kreme?! (more…)

Someone decided that May 3rd would be a good day for everyone in the world to shut off their computers, televisions, and other gadgets. The idea is for people to get out and socialize with actual breathing human beings or do some kind of outdoor activities. I’d totally be behind this initiative if GTA 4 hadn’t just come out and I didn’t hate people. Apparently even the organizers kept good on their pledge to go offline; their site is down. Oh well…maybe next year.

[Yahoo! News]

You probably woke up this morning to news that you had been fired. Or maybe your best friend called you in the middle of the night to tell you that he had been arrested and needed you to post bail. Maybe even a relative called to tell you that your uncle was dead.

If you haven’t been paying attention to your calendar, you may have missed the fact that it’s April 1st, otherwise known as April Fool’s Day. I personally hate this stupid day because no matter how ready I am to call people liars, I still get tricked.

So don’t worry, your girlfriend isn’t pregnant and your dog isn’t dead. I hope.

This Monday, March 17th is St. Patrick’s Day. That’s when people dress up in green, practice their worst Irish accents and get pissed*. When St. Patty’s Day falls on a weekday, we’re all still expected to drag our hungover asses into work on the 18th. Productivity in businesses across the world suffers because of everyone’s inability to keep their eyes open. That’s why Guinness is taking the steps to make St. Patrick’s Day an official holiday. They’ve got a petition you can sign at Proposition317.com.

I’m not Irish, but I’d love a day to recover without feeling guilty about calling in sick…although this is probably nothing more than a brilliant marketing ploy. I love Guinness anyways.

*Pissed - Official translation - “drunk,” in Irish.

There are a ton of holidays out there, and most of them suck. This is not an opinion, it’s a fact stated by some government official that one time, and I’ll thank you not to check my references. Anyway, for every awesome holiday you’ve got two that punch you in the junk. You might have a great time on St. Patty’s Day, but that’s only the counterpoint to the shitty time you had the month before trying to prove to your girlfriend that you actually kind of like her. Anything short of the world’s most expensive dinner, flowers, a new bracelet, and sixteen hours of foreplay and you’re screwed, my friend. However, there’s an amazing holiday that not everyone knows about, and I’m going to make it my mission here today to inform you of it. I’ll cram it down your throat, if I have to. Ha, in about one sentence’s time, you’ll realize how tasteless that joke was. (more…)

If you’re just waking up, you may be a bit confused to learn that it’s not yet March. What happened? We’re in that awkward pseudo time warp of February 29th, an event that only occurs once every four years. The reason we have this wacky day tacked on to our calendars once in a while is because it does not take the earth exactly 365 days to orbit the sun. As a result, some crazy math stuff happens and now we’re all confused what day it is.

If you feel all screwed up because of the extra day, just be glad you’re not Chinese. The Chinese calendar adds a whole month to its leap year. If you are Chinese, what the hell, man?

I just wanted to let our loyal readers know that Dyna and I are both incapacitated this weekend. We’re both taking some time to show our girlfriends that we care (read: keep them from dumping us). I’m at Disney and he’s on a cruise so we may be out of touch for a bit. While you’re here, leave us some comments and let us know what you ended up doing for Valentine’s Day. We’ll make fun of you when we return.

I’m sure a few of you let the date slip past you. It’s February 14th…Valentine’s Day, quite possibly the most feared day of the year for dudes with girlfriends and the most hated by dudes without. If you fall into either category, which you kind of have to, it can actually be a pretty awesome day if you make the right decisions.

For those of you who have a special someone in your life, don’t go overboard with gifts. A lot of girls expect something, whether it be something simple like flowers or something ridiculous like a diamond bracelet. You may feel the desire to please your girl by getting her whatever she wants. After all, it’s a special day. But what about next year? If you get her some expensive jewelry this year, you’ll feel cheap if you just get her flowers next year. You’ll constantly feel the need to outdo yourself each year and eventually you’ll be in the poor house. Be smart about your gift-giving.

Better yet, don’t even focus on things. Do something with her. Even something as simple as mini-golf can be a fun way to get outdoors together and do something different. If your chick’s really cool, maybe you can talk her into going bowling or something.

What if you don’t have a special someone? Go out and find one. This is the time of year when most single girls will get all mad at the fact that they’re single, grab their single friends, and go out for a night on the town. Plus all the taken girls will be dragging their boyfriends to the movies or dinner, so pretty much every girl you see at the bar/club will be available. Unfortunately, this also means that all the other single dudes will be cruisin’ for chicks too, so the competition will be fierce. Be strong, be confident, and don’t be a jackass. Oh, and beware of cougars..unless they’re exceptionally hot or rich ones.

That’s all I’ve got. Good luck, dude.